New Beginnings on the Horizon

Life. She's a curious thing.

If you would have asked me five years ago where I'd be today, I'm nearly positive that I couldn't have answered you accurately. This is not a good thing, nor a bad thing, just the truth. I have found myself in fantastic ups, and horribly woeful downs. I have laughed, and cried, rested, and ran. I have shouted to the mountain tops, and whispered to myself. I have shared many a joyous endeavors with loved ones alike, as I have introverted for days, plugged into my headphones, locked quietly inside myself. Through these inevitable roller coasters I have learned so many things. However, I still find myself at times, fighting the same battles I have been all along. Always coming to the agonizing conclusion that I am, most definitely, my worst enemy. 

Maybe I’m too open. Too trusting. Too stubborn to see what is actually right in front of my face. I’d like to think of myself as an optimist. Other’s refer to me as a fool. Either way, I’m just another hopeless romantic, waiting for the life’s pages to read the words Happily Ever After. Could you really blame me though? Could anyone, for that matter? After all, isn’t that what everyone wants in the end?? Since birth, we have all been exposed to the idea that everyone gets their happy ending, only to find out as we grow older, that this idea is more of a fantasy than a reality. Leaving hearts broken, left in tattered trails all along the life paths we have chosen. Maybe leaving us incapable of putting the fragments back together, and becoming someone who we never thought we would be.

Life is funny that way, and that is where I am. Asking myself the question of, “Can I put it all back together, or do I just need to go forward from what I am today?”

Just as I have typed that last sentence, I am sure of where I am going with this--

Forward.

I could never put the pieces back together. Even if that were possible, I am a different person today than I was five years ago. An improved person. I may be an optimist, a dreamer, a hopeless romantic, and most unquestionably a fool. But one thing I am not, is unsure of myself. For once in my life, I know what I want. It’s figuring out how to get it, is where I get lost. I am sure that the answers will come to me, just as more queries do.

Discovering how to heal from the wounds of my past, and take in everything I've encountered, as a journey to new beginnings; these are the lessons I am considering at this moment.